Scientists reckon driverless cars will be used to boink in

November 17, 2018

The invention of autonomous cars, and their impending arrival to the world of average joes, has piqued a lot of people's interest. Finally, a solution to our tragic road accident statistics, a way to reduce emissions, become more time efficient, save space in urban areas and an incredible advancement for technology. But scientists reckon that us filthy plebeians only have one thing on our mind: a root in the boot.


That's right. We could scoff down our morning Weetbix, hot iron our hair and hump & pump like bunnies: all the while inching closer to the office for a 9am start.



According to research conducted by Annals of Tourism Research, autonomous vehicles (AVs) have the potential to disrupt all facets of the transport and tourism industry. Scott Cohen, who led the study, is the deputy director of research of the School of Hospitality and Tourism Management at the University of Surrey. He explains via Fast Company.


“People will be sleeping in their vehicles, which has implications for roadside hotels. And people may be eating in vehicles that function as restaurant pods,” says Cohen.


“That led us to think, besides sleeping, what other things will people do in cars when free from the task of driving? And you can see that in the long association of automobiles and sex that’s represented in just about every coming-of-age movie. It’s not a big leap.” 


Considering we're all ultra-horny humans, it kind of makes sense that we'd be gifted this amazing technological advancement and then just have sex all over it. If given the chance, I know I would.



The research draws another interesting conclusion in saying this could change that way in which prostitutes conduct their business. Instead of spending a few hours in a skeezy hotel, customer could bang by the hour while also getting from A to B. Now there's an interesting way to get over the "hump day blues".


Using Amsterdam's notorious Red Light District as an example, Cohen says: “Particularly in cities where the governance is in place, where prostitution is legal, and regulations allow AVs to develop fast and be on roads quickly, we could see this come together rapidly. Europe is one of those places... it’s not impossible or that far-fetched to imagine the red light district on the move. Prostitution doesn’t need to be legal for this to happen. Plenty of illegal activities happen in cars.”


 Image: Avinash Patel from Pexels


Fast Company make a point of outlining the potential safety risks for the sex worker's involved in such a practice, a sentiment that we second. It seems Cohen and his team are merely hypothesising at this stage but perhaps this is something that requires more thought down the track.


Potential complications


Barrie Kirk, co-founder of the Canadian Automated Vehicles Centre of Excellence, shares a few concerns with the Daily Dot.


“Once people get really comfortable with the technology and you’ve got two people in close proximity to each other, one is supposed to be watching what’s happening and being ready to take over the driving if required, but if these people engage in sex, which will happen more than it does now… that does compromise the person’s ability to take over if there’s an emergency and the computer says to take over.”


Well, duh Baz. OF COURSE it's going to be harder to take control of a vehicle when you've got a naked human bouncing in your lap. Also, we all know it's weird to stare at someone in the eyes when you're doing the deed (unless you're in lurvvve), so it's likely you've got your eyes closed, or slight squinted, as you push out a little jizz-gasm. So yeah... it doesn't sound all the safe.


Will we ever get to a place where we, the humans, can truly trust the robots not to fuck up? Applying your hair gel is one thing, at least you can intermittently check the road between jooshes. But when you're on the brink of orgasm, you probably don't even care if you're about to mow down an old lady, you just want to CLIMAX GOD DAMNIT!


So maybe it's safer to partake in our shenanigans elsewhere for the time being. Keep ya boinking to the bedroom for now... or the bathroom, kitchen, park, beach, club bathrooms. Really anywhere that's not on wheels and hurling along the freeway at 100 kilometres an hour.




Kate Neilson is the founding editor of Twenty Something Humans. She likes to eat her toast in bed and feels awkward writing about herself in the third person. Lurk her @katiepotatierose.








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