Six lessons that I'll never learn

October 3, 2018

I’m now in my late twenties and still struggling to grasp concrete ideas surrounding responsibility and adulthood. I try and I fail, then I try some more and I fail again only to realise there are some things I’ve been trying to learn for a long time and yet quite happy to decline any lifestyle change or cognitive behaviour overhaul to accomplish these lessons.

 
 

It's a test of patience (that I do not have) and will (that I also don’t have) to try and change these mistakes that always seem to occur no matter how old I get. Maybe it’s a sense of being comfortable in a life of disastrous repetition or perhaps it’s simply being a stubborn person that talks myself into thinking these patterns of behaviour are absolutely fine. I’m sure I’ll have my life all figured out, just not now and not in the foreseeable future because I’ve been doing these silly things for a very long time.


Lesson 1: Don’t drink so much


And I’m hungover, yet again. Instead of doing what most people probably would and decrease their alcohol intake, I always chastise myself for not drinking in the correct order. It’s because I had beer before liquor that I’ve never been sicker as the knowledgeable rhyme suggests, and therefore next time will line my stomach with pure spirits instead, then switch to fizzier alcohols so this throbbing headache doesn’t happen again. That should do it. It’s certainly not the amount I had, the mixing of different beverages or the incredibly short amount of time I consumed it all in.


Lesson 2: Don’t cook when you’re hungry.


I’ve eaten a lot of raw things in my life and it’s certainly not because I’m on any sort of paleo diet. It’s because I can’t wait. I can’t wait for anything to cook through and I end up eating raw pancake mixture because I’ve set the stove setting too high and the outsides of the pancake are burnt to a crisp while the insides are still runny. Mmmmmm, delish.


Lesson 3: Don’t fall asleep at 1 a.m. when you’re meant to be up at 6 a.m.


Just one more makeup tutorial, that’s all I’ll look at on my phone. It’s now 12:30 a.m. and I’m always confident I’ll be able to rise immediately at the sound of my alarm only a few hours away and I’ll still get all the sleep I’ll need. Come morning, I’ve snoozed my alarm multiple times and gotten out of bed with ten minutes to spare before I must leave. Am I sure I put deodorant on before I left? Hope so.
 

Lesson 4: Don’t go after unavailable men.


What’s that you say? You don’t live in the same state as me and you’re leaving in a week? I want you bad. I want you so bad. And who’s left crying when for some reason it didn’t work out between me and that guy when I had secretly planned a trip to see him in my head although there was no invite from him to do so at all? Spoiler: it’s me, I’m crying.

 

Lesson 5: Don’t try to remember everything, write stuff down.


I always think I’ll remember that important message I was meant to give someone. And I do remember it, I swear. Only it’s hours later when that person has already done the thing in the message I was supposed to pass on. Perhaps it’s why I fail at all the life lessons I’m supposed to have learned, I’ve got to start jotting them down.

 

Image: Alex Jack Photography

 

 Cynthia Nobrega is a trivia enthusiast, using her annoying competitive streak and useless knowledge about random shit to yell out answers before anyone else can. She is also often called a cynic but still cries tears of joy when people find love on reality dating shows, “They (sob) found (sob) each other! (flood of tears). Lurk her @shitstagram._

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