The only gift your ex needs this Valentine's Day

February 13, 2018

In case you missed it, the Queen of Petty (aka Kimmy K) sent Valentines to a whole bunch of her haters and frenemies earlier this month. And the whole idea was so passive aggressive (not to mention salty AF), that it got me thinking…

 

Gifting on Valentine’s Day is all about expressing your feelings, right? But what about those feelings of resentment and unresolved anger you’re still harbouring toward your ex? Sometimes you just need to deal with it in a super healthy and mature way…with a petty gift that just screams #IDFWU.

 

 

 

If that’s exactly what you’re after, we’ve got you covered!

 

Here’s a round-up of the best petty gifts your ex never knew they needed this Valentine’s Day:

 

Customised bumper sticker

 

‘Arsshole on Board’ or ‘Cheater Ahead’ could work nicely. Get creative with it!

 

Bag of dicks

 

Gummies for dummies! I’d say the message is pretty clear with this one. Highly recommend adding glitter in the package (just because it’s a bitch to clean up).

 

 

 

A customised tee

 

Think of a phrase that encapsulated your relationship. Perhaps one that reads, ‘It Wasn’t You, It Was Me,’ or ‘I Don’t Make Mistakes, I Date Them.’

 

A prank candle

 

Let me explain. These seemingly sweet scented gifts will transform into a rude surprise once they’re lit. From ‘Vanilla’ to ‘Vomit’ and ‘Apple Pie’ to ‘Stinky Fart,’ your ex won’t see these coming, but they'll certainly smell them.

 

 

 

Name a Roach!

 

For a small fee, The Bronx Zoo in New York City will allow you to name a cockroach in honour of the ex that infested your life (gift certificate included). Genius!

 

A therapist’s business card

 

Enough said.

 

The Middle Finger

 

I know, it’s another candle (and no, we’re not trying to burn anyone’s house down, okay?), but this one was just too good not to share.

 

 

 

Animal crap

 

Take your shitty gift to the next level with this smelly surprise. Just like the website says, 'send a piece of shit in a box around the world.

 

 

 

URA douche bag

 

A tick the box douche bag checklist, how efficient!

 

Happy gifting!

 

 

 

 

 

 

Adrianna Zappavinga is a 20-something year old journalism graduate who is never seen wandering the streets of Sydney sans coffee in hand. A self-confessed sugar addict, she is a lover of sweet treats, sweet words and even sweeter fashion finds. When she isn't hitting the gym or buried in a horror film of some sort, you'll definitely find her Instagramming. You can lurk her @adri_zapp.

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