Sometimes

August 13, 2017

 

 

Sometimes I wonder how many people in my life have treated me like a test. They want to try being with a nice girl, someone nurturing and homely. The type of girl that no one would want to steal from them. A safe bet.

 

Sometimes I wonder if I'm a test dummy. A test, because they'll try me a few times and then move onto another when I don't bubble or burn or turn the right shade of blue; a dummy because I fell for it.

 

Sometimes I wonder who really has the problem in this situation. Is it those who don't really see me, or is it me, who isn't letting herself be seen?

 

Sometimes I feel a crushing force on my lungs; for a few moments I cannot breathe because of the fear that I will never be enough.

 

Sometimes I feel like I'm plucked from the tree. They take a bite and throw me away. You could have just left me in the tree. I didn't ask you to pick me, I was still growing.

 

Sometimes I feel sick about the time I dedicated to caring about the small, insignificant thing that you did to me.

 

Sometimes I hope that I'll be kinder to myself.

 

Sometimes I hope that the cycle will break.

 

Sometimes I hope that I won't always be too much.

 

Not all the time, just sometimes. I wouldn't dare let you be an all the time thought.

 

 

 

 

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