Red Heads have a fucking soul ya know?

May 29, 2017

Ranga, ginge, carrot top, bluey, blood nut, copper head, ginger ninja... whatever you want to call us, we are the red heads of the world and we have a story to tell. The life of a red head, particularly in Australia where we have a 'Sorry Ranga Day', is a hard one. Our vampire-esque transparent skin is not made for Australia's harsh summers or an Aussie's harsh words. Lucky for us our skin is as thick as some of those thickheads out there who teased and tormented us all throughout school.

 

 

Yet somehow, against all the odds, we've thrived and survived in an environment where we probably could've died out many millenia ago. Being a red head is slowly gaining traction. Lindsay Lohan made it cool, but the coke addiction did not. Emma Stone made it cool again - but then we found out she's not a natural red head! (sorry to anyone who didn’t know that… it crushed me too). So I'm here to tell you how dope it is to be a red head, but also the struggles we face each and every day.

 

An open letter from a fiery red head to you. 

 

We're well aware that we don't tan, so can't you at least just go along with it when we take our watches off and point at the (ever so slight) difference in pigmentation? Please? At the beach, we grew up being the daggy kid with an oversized hat, oversized sunnies, long sleeve, high collared rashie, SPF 30+ sunscreen and a towel wrapped around our bottom half, sitting under an umbrella, only to go home looking like a tomato. This would cause our parents to berate us for being "irresponsible", peel us our of our long sleeve, high collared rashie and lather us in aloe.

 

All we wanted was the freedom that you had; wearing your board shorts, bikinis and lying in the sun for hours on end. So please, when we show you our tan line on our butt, can you just go along with it… please?

 

 

Yes, our pubic hair is red... what colour did you think it would be? The amount of opening Tinder lines that start with some ridiculous line like 'does the carpet match the drapes?' is honestly astounding. I'm glad that there seems to be some mystical allure as to what lies beneath my underwear, but nonetheless, whatever we do or don't do with it is our business. So take note humans, please don't start a Tinder chat disclosing your profound confusion of a red heads body hair, because that ain't sexy.

 

WE HAVE A FUCKING SOUL!!! (thanks South Park)

 

There's no red head emoji. I repeat. NO RED HEAD EMOJI!!! How do you expect us to be taken seriously, if we can't express ourselves through our favourite little loaded symbols?! Emojis are to the 21st Century what Walkmans were to the early 2000’s, absolutely essential! Emojis have evolved into an art form, a new type of language, and if red heads aren't represented then how are we supposed to join in on the conversation? It just leaves me feeling a whole lot like this chick...

 

 

 (but with red hair... obviously).

 

There’s nothing worse than when your friends think it’s a good idea to all dress up as minions for Halloween and wear an entirely yellow outfit. Yeah, that's not going to work for us. We’d rather go as bad arse Poison Ivy, decked out in green which makes our red hair pop! Our hair colour changes and looks extremely different depending on what we’re wearing and we’re very conscious of it. So never force a red headed human to wear a yellow outfit. Beyoncé may rock it, but we most certainly will not.

 

Also, we’re all highly attached to the Little Mermaid. When we were growing up, we only had Arial to identify with. You blondies and brunettes had variety and choice of Disney Princess. So if we start to well up when someone plays "Under the Sea" now you'll know why. Also, if you feel like getting a sng stuck in your head - maybe you're trying to forget about something shitty - then take a trip down memory lane with this full sick tune. You're welcome.

 

 

Us red heads stick together. Have you ever noticed that red heads always have several other red headed friends? That's for a very good reason. We've been through the teasing, mocking and sunburn and we just 'get' each other. Plus, we've gotta have friends to sit in the shade with us. 

 

Whatever your thoughts, experiences or fantasies about red heads, and despite the myth that red heads are dying out, I'm sorry to tell you that we're here to stay. We're evolving, getting smarter with our sunscreen application, and screaming for a red headed emoji (equality is close). We are the fiery, pale and kick arse 2%. Bow down bitches.

 

 

 

Adelaide is a twenty something human and yes that is her real name. She doesn’t go far without her Doc Martens and a skinny cappuccino. She loves travelling and thinks it’s the best way to meet exciting men (people). When she’s not at uni or daydreaming at the beach, you will find her writing on her blog A Worldly Addiction.

 

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