Scene:
You’re absolutely smitten. They say something to you that makes you feel like you’ve been slapped in the face. You let it go because you don’t want to be “dramatic”. They do something that makes you roll your eyes, run to the bathroom to furiously type to the group chat or cry, and you don’t fight it because you don’t want to be “crazy” or “clingy” or “a feminist-man-hating-bitch”.
They probably don’t remember these things. You stew on them for years to come and, eventually, in a manic cry for catharsis write an article about all the things you wish you’d kicked up a bigger stink about and post it on the internet for the world to see.
So, folks, without further ado here is a list of shit things that men I’ve dated have done to me that I am definitely not still bitter about:
Unfollowed me on Instagram because my feminist posts were “tacky”
Texted me every day for two months before disappearing into the ether; never to be heard from or seen ever again
Told me that I was overreacting when I complained about the fourth instance of sexual harassment I’d received that day
Eaten half of my McDonalds chips without asking when I was really hungry
Avoided visiting my family with me because he “doesn’t know how to deal with kids” (i.e. my siblings and the two most important people in the world to me)
Dumped me two days after I somehow had the superhuman strength to not hook-up with someone I was extremely attracted to
Dumped me because he needed “time alone to figure himself out” before jumping into another relationship two weeks later (after I’d had the superhuman strength to not hook-up with someone I was extremely attracted to)
Given me a book of his poetry as a birthday present
Told me he loved me before going out to meet his new girlfriend
Snored
Told me my musical tastes were uncool and that I was too mainstream
Made no effort with my friends for the entire duration of our relationship because he “didn’t get them”
Dumped me by text despite living across the road from me
Resented me for wanting to be with him/feel loved/feel respected
Claimed we were still “just friends” even though I’d had a toothbrush at his house for over a month and we’d been banging for six
Proudly claimed to have “fucc boi’d” me
Made me go to breakfast with his ex-girlfriend when my hair was greasy and I wasn’t wearing make-up
Asked me if I could shave my pubes moments after I had picked one of his out of my mouth
Told me he knew more about the university I had attended for three years that he had never set foot in
Told me women in sports don’t deserve to get paid the same as men
Made it a “private joke” between us that I was fat and unfit
Laughed when I told him I was going for a run
Made me feel like nothing I ever did would be good enough despite loving him with every fibre of my being
Farted and lied about it
Courtney is a creative writing student at the University of New South Wales. She enjoys proclaiming her love for her local street cat, drinking gin and pretending she is funnier than she really is. Her go-to karaoke song is "Don't Go Breaking my Heart" and she is always Elton. This is non-negotiable.
