Your parents. The two people that gave you the gift of life, looked after you until they could legally kick you out and then tried to avoid the devious hormonal mess that you turned into until you gave them grandchildren. They may have been subject to a few, small white lies over the years: "these are not my cigarettes, I am just simply holding onto them for my other friend who is a smoker, obviously). They've done the police station pickups, the teenage relationship meltdowns and the expensive university fees.
When you reach your twenties the relationship becomes a little more equal, but that doesn't change the fact that it can still be an absolute nightmare when they decide to 'drop in' for the weekend. Here are some tips for damage control.
1. Don’t get fucked up the night before.
The experience is going to be mildly excruciating all on its own, you don’t need to add a headache into the equation. Plus, your parents will smell the alcohol on you as if you’re a fifteen-year-old coming home from a ‘sleepover’ on a Sunday morning with vomit stains on your PJs. Best to go in with a clear head.
2. Clean every nook and cranny of the house.
Leave no stone unturned, you don’t want to give them any reason to doubt your capabilities to be a real human. Don’t leave anything incriminating out, sex related items, parking fines, vouchers for two-for-one at Dominos, that shit will just break their heart.
3. Follow up on all the shit they hounded you to do since the last visit.
This is important as parents never forget that kind of stuff. Pay your darn utilities bill, throw out your filthy bathmat and go to the fucking dentist, you fool.
4. Ensure the tea situation is handled and stock your fridge with green food
You need to have beverages. Think how much of an adult you will appear to be if you can provide your fam with a nice cup of Earl Grey. Remove any old food residue (e.g couch pizza) and buy some green stuff for the fridge - no one is saying that you have to actually eat it.
5. Don’t let them make you feel like a teenager
Sometimes, even if you are in your twenties, your relationship can revert very quickly to the adult child situ again. As much as we should appreciate all of the amazing things our parents have done - and still do - for us, you’re allowed to have your own journey and horrid looking couches.
6. Make the most of the time you have with them
Sure, they might be a massive pain in the arse but they are pretty important people. They bail you out of stuff, they can talk you round when you don't have a fucking clue where your life is going and above all, they just bloody love ya.
As the visit comes to an end attempt to give them a hug, tell them how much you appreciate them re-organising ALL OF YOUR HOUSEHOLD ITEMS and cherish those memories. They won’t be around forever and hopefully neither will your horrid couches.
Vikki Sinclair is a 29 (+1) year old contributor at Twenty Something Humans. She often dresses like somebody threw up a garden on her and has a strong obsession with Lena Dunham and wearing red lipstick. Stalk her on Instagram vintagevik or twitter @vintagevik.