Your first love

April 19, 2017

Your first kiss, your first blowjob, your first fart, your first contraception scare, your first awkward utterance of 'I think I kinda maybe love you.' Yep, your first love. Sweet, awkward and something that we always hold onto (and all those love letters that you keep scattered throughout your diary). My heart.

 

We cherish these beautiful memories to get us through the cynical and sometimes desperate times of our twenties. What is it about our first love that makes it so special? Surely it's not just the fact that they're your first, because I remember the time I farted in front of my first love and there was nothing special about that.

 

 

Is it the fact that we're young, naive and innocent when we fall in love for the first time? Time and experience hasn't ruined how we view relationships and sex (yet). We truly believe the person we're with is our Prince Charming or Emma Watson (let's be honest, she's basically a princess) who will never hurt us, never let us go and all that other fairytale bullshit. When we get older, we start to realise that romance, dating and sex isn't so innocent. You get fucked over, fucked up, then you move on.

 

Maybe there's just something beautiful about that nauseating innocence of your first love that makes you want to hold onto it forever.

 

OK so you're finally over them. You've stopped checking their socials, you feel relaxed when you go to your old date spot, life is going great and you're moving onto bigger and better things (wink). Hallelujaaaah. Then you see them at a party, practically radiating a halo over their arse and they've magically become everything you always wanted. Oh so now you're wearing a button up shirt? Now you like that band that I loved? Now you have a proper job? Oh now you love giving head?!

 

In no time at all, they've got their shit together and are flying high whilst you're idea of success is being able to afford burritos two nights in a week, pay your energy bill on time and keep your succulents alive – tricky stuff.

 

Or maybe our first loves are so special because they reminds us of every rom-com ever. The Notebook, Dirty Dancing, The Little Mermaid and even the saddest of them all, My Girl. As young hopeless romantics growing up in a media saturated society, we are immersed into the rom-com world at a very young age. And we grow up thinking that Patrick Swayze will notice us across the room and ask us to dance, or that we'll finally be 'apart of his world' and give up our voice to be with our Prince Charming. When we're with our first love, our heads are in the clouds and we're riding that love high. And when that love ends, we crash back down to reality where a girl gotta look after herself and a boy gotta work on those Swayze moves.

 

Maybe we never really get over our first love. Maybe they will always have a piece of our hearts with their name branded across it. But without them, would we even believe in love? Would we even bother with the Tinder, Grindr and blind dates? Despite the heartbreak and awkward sexual experiences that we have with our first love, we need them in order to understand that pure love can exist in this world. It may have taken a twisted form, but it's there, and that's what we're searching for at the end of it all. And if we can't find it, then at least we're happy with our burritos. 

 

 

 

Adelaide is a twenty something human and yes that is her real name. She doesn’t go far without her Doc Martens and a skinny cappuccino. She loves travelling and thinks it’s the best way to meet exciting men (people). When she’s not at uni or daydreaming at the beach, you will find her writing on her blog A Worldly Addiction.

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