Look, I’m sure we all look back on our side-fringe heavy myspace photos and shudder. The “On This Day” feature on your Facebook profile probably makes you cringe and click “delete post” quicker than you can say “roflcopter xD”. We’ve all done some pretty fucked up things on the internet. However, lately I’ve been wondering if the things that my friends and I did were normal or next-level messed up.
Here's a list of three of the most fucked up things that I did on the internet when I was younger. Please do not judge me, for I was only as human as an unsupervised 13-year-old on the internet could be.
Before I became the Pinterest addict that I am, there was Photobucket. I can’t tell you exactly what the point of that site was because it has just taken me a solid three hours of googling vague sentences to remember its name. Anyway, being the little perverts we were, my best friend and I once typed in “Harry Potter Porn” and, boy, did we hit the jackpot. There were gay cartoons of Draco and Harry, references to a Snape/Dumbledore/Harry love triangle and even some allusions to a controversial Hagrid and Buckbeak entanglement.
I don’t know why we did it, but looking at very pixelated gifs of Lupin saying he was fucking Sirius was an absolute riot.
Okay so I lied about not knowing why we looked up Harry Potter porn on Photobucket. We were both hopelessly in love with 90% of the male characters from the films. The most ferocious of our desires were directed towards Fred and George Weasley. George was to be my fictional husband, Fred to be my best friend’s.
This was where Quizilla came in. Obviously, we needed affirmation that we were compatible with the Weasley twins in order to ensure we were destined for a long and successful relationship with them. Quizilla was a site in which you could make your own quizzes about pretty much anything and other people could take them.
Soon, we had done so many of the “Which Harry Potter character will you date?” style quizzes that I knew the general pattern of responses that would give me my desired outcome: That George Weasley would propose to me with a hilarious prank, and use his wand to show me how much he loved me.
As an aside: If you were one of the people dedicated enough to Quizilla that you added little fan-fictions to the end of the quizzes, thank you. You were a pivotal character in the awakening of my (somewhat creepy) pubescent sexuality.
But neither of those things come even close to the climax of this list…the worst thing that I ever did on the internet.
Okay, I am about to tell you all one of my deepest, darkest secrets. A secret that even I had repressed and forgotten about until about two weeks ago. Let’s set the scene: I am in Year 11. I am at a sleepover at a friend’s house. I had never used Chat Roulette or Omegle before but lots of people at school were talking about how common it was to see a dick. For those of you living under a rock, Chat Roulette and Omegle were webcam websites in which online users would be randomly connected to one another to video chat. One boy from my year claimed he got Nick Jonas on it once and they played guitar together.
Anyway, on this fateful evening my friends and I thought it would be funny to see who we could make fun of on these websites. Fast forward to a Russian “doctor” appearing on screen. He looks excited to see three teenage girls… and, well, basically we told him we would show him our tits if he came into a glass and drank it.
I watched it happen with my own two eyes.
We immediately logged off.
He did not see any boobies that night.
Please don’t tell my mum.
Courtney is a creative writing student at the University of New South Wales. She enjoys proclaiming her love for her local street cat, drinking gin and pretending she is funnier than she really is. Her go-to karaoke song is "Don't Go Breaking my Heart" and she is always Elton. This is non-negotiable.