How to get a date without using Tinder

April 2, 2017

Ahhh, Tinder. Swipe left, left, left, left, maybe right, nope...definitely left. The digital universe has really taken over our lives in every aspect. But do we really have to settle for a noob with a cat selfie? Or even worse, a sedated tiger selfie? Like, is that all that the world has left on offer for us?


No longer do we approach a hottie at the bar. No longer can we say “do you come here often?” (LEL). No longer do we force our mate to do the hustle work on behalf of us because we are too scared to make our own eye contact.



Fuck it. We need to take a stand. For those of you who still believe in love (or at least a dinner date) here is a list of ideas to help you meet your next bae that doesn't include using an app or the internet.


1. Up In Da Club – An obvious one to start with but if you can hold a substantial convo whilst also grinding it up to Ginuwine’s Pony, then you're on your way towards success in my books.




2. Through your mates – It's important to make sure that your friends understand what you’re looking for or you’ll end up with a psycho that falls in love with you after one quick pash and a very awkies sitcho if you happen to see each other again. Which you will.


3. At the gym – Go and squat in front of your target and let the sparks fly. Plus, you'll  be giving off all of those sweaty hormones post work out, that'll help to reel one in.




4. Work happy hour – I'm not suggesting that you should shit where you eat but if you've been eyeing someone off for a few months and you're finally getting to see them with their tie loosened then why not give it a crack? This situation which could lead you to find your next beau/beauette.


5. Start taking public transport to work – trains and buses are reliably shakey. You might fall into the arms of your future lover. At the very least, you’ll be able to stare at a hot stranger reading a book, every train, plane and automobile has one of them.


6. Volunteer your time – Like rescuing puppers? So does your next date. You’ll bond over the mutual agreement that puppies are the best thing to happen to mankind. Period. You can also notably avoid those fucking cat-lovers. Eww.




7. Speaking of dogs – Get one or borrow one. Go to your local dog park and let the magic do its thang. There's nothing like a labradoodle to secure your next 'lap-dog'.


8. Talk to strangers – Be open to starting a convo at the local coffee house or café. You’ll be pretty much at step one of a landing a date. Don't be a creep though, only engage if there has been some pre-existing eye contact, don't approach someone who looks like they're already on a date ffs.


9. If you’re flowin’ in doe, use a match-making service - If you feel a little desperate doing that, just don’t tell your friends about it. 


10. If you’re the artsy-fartsy kind – Get your  arse down to a museum or gallery or whatever it is you artsy-fartsy people do. That place will be teeming with potentials. Just stare at a painting and nod your head until someone comes up and asks you if you're okay.


11. If you're the quiet type - Join a fucking book club, ya nerd burger.


12. Book an overseas trip alone - You'll be forced to make friends in your vulnerable, lonely state of mind and your French summer fling might be looking for more than just a quickie under the Eiffel Tower. Who knows? 


13. If you’re feeling ballsy - Go to your local pub on a Wednesday by yourself. Two things can happen: you strike up a convo with a stranger or you end up with everyone metaphorically pointing and laughing at the loner at the bar (it’s all in your head, nobody gives a shit).


14. Participate in a flash mob - Nothing says "I'm fun, young and spontaneous" like learning a meticulously choreographed routine with 200 other people. One of them has to be interesting in getting your number and you've already got one thing in common - flash mob'in


15. Instead of taking your laundry to parents try going to a  laundromat.


16. Just say this:




Why are you still reading this? Get on out there. Go and snag yourself a human and I hope you wake up with a bad case of pash rash.




Amber is the kind of girl who looks like she has her shit together but really doesn't. She's known for her potty mouth, being inappropriately funny and for her love of doughnuts. Although she's new to the writing game, she is going to say what 'drunk you' was already thinking.

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