There are very few things that I know to be universally true:
The sun will always rise in the east and set in the west.
Beyonce is head of the illuminati that controls the free world
And finally, everyone poos - even Beyonce.
There is literally no fact more unifying (and satisfying) for the human race than the truth that every man woman, child, puppy and budgie excretes waste from his or her body on an (almost) daily basis - depends what your had for dinner last night.
The most truthful and well-known fact in the entire world remains a secret, because of ~modesty~ and I want to know why. We mask with perfume, sneak and shy away when nature calls and I just don't think it makes sense, ya know? I don’t believe something every single human being (and animal for that matter) does, should be dealt with such privacy and shame.
I am here to free the people! I want to rid you of your poo anxiety. I want to help you poo in public (like, in an enclosed, private place in public). Repeat after me: I am human and I do poo.
I'm sorry to ruin that pretty little world that you live in, where women are prim, proper and fart out glitter (we do sometimes). We are human beings with normal bodily functions, we menstruate, we fart, burp, and we take pretty impressive shits from time to time.
If a girl is telling you that she doesn’t poo, instead of accepting it as bible truth, take her to the doctors immediately to be tested for a bowel disorder. That gurl is gon be backed up to the brain.
The rumour that girls are exempt from ridding themselves of toxic bodily waste has perpetuated such a negative stigma that girls are dying in developing nations to hide their number twos. In February 2015, two young girls were raped and murdered in India on their way to discreetly defecate.
There’s a reason the flushing toilet was considered the ninth greatest invention of all time, according to a 2010 study of the British public- it’s because it allows us an opportunity to do our business in the most secrecy, and flush it away as if it never happened. A luxury that developing nations do not have, and are paying the price for. We're anxious about pooping in western society but I wonder how anxious we would be if our toilet time consisted of the threat of violence.
We need to get over this fear of other people knowing, so we can talk about it freely. I’m not asking you to go and bask in yesterday’s lunch or relay every detail of your toilet time to your friends; I'm just asking you to accept what is inherently human about yourself and admit that you poo, for the good of yourself and the sake of humankind. I really hope you read this article while you were taking a dump.
When Penny was 8 she ran away from home, packing only cubed cheese. She is now 23, and still stands by that decision. She's passionate about Beyonce, Feminism and glitter. Also she really likes dogs. She's chronically ill, but also chronically optimistic.