I’m just like you. I know about the trends because of Instagram (does that make me like you??). I’m that girl who, after scrolling through the most recent posts of the 156 people/brands I follow, I feel it’s not enough, and click on that little magnifying glass icon and a whole new world is revealed to me. I find freshly inked flash tattoos! Babies! Babies in stupid expensive yet adorable swaddles! Crazy milkshakes! Amazing baked goods that definitely defy the laws of gravity! Girls in lingerie I could never afford! And then one day, I found Go-To.
The Go-To beauty range was created by amazing human/woman Zoe Foster Blake, who is an author and former beauty editor of probably every magazine you’ve ever read. She’s also married to Hamish Blake (that guy) but I genuinely feel this is the least of her achievements. Especially because how many women can really say, “oh yeah, I created a skincare line” (and she’s only 35)?
So, I totally bought into this idea that Instagram was projecting to me: I’m a tattooed 29 year old with an ok income and an instagram account of my own that needs to be fed. I think about babies. I think about what soft and expensive cloths I will put my future baby in. I eat the milkshakes and seek out the gravity-defying cakes.
So I wanted the damn skincare line. I wanted it to so bad. And I wanted all of it.
I have never in my life owned expensive face cream. I once had to get some expensive cream for my lady parts but then the Melbourne Sexual Health Clinic totally gave it to me for free and I was saved. So it was time. And you know what? There was another really stupid other reason that I wanted the Go-To products that wasn't even related to having babein' skin.
If you tag Go-To on insta, they will totally reply. They will totally repost your shit. They will love you back and “like” that shit. I had to have it. PLUS PLUS PLUS OH GOD THIS IS EMBARRASSING BUT WHEN I ORDERED THE PRODUCTS THEY WERE TOTALLY RUNNING A PROMOTION WHERE THEY WOULD INCLUDE A FREE HEADBAND WITH AN EMOJI IMAGE ON IT, SO YOU CAN WASH YOUR FACE PROPERLY AND BE CULTURALLY RELEVANT. I had to have it.
15 weeks ago my order arrived. I ordered all six of their products for a total cost of 229 Australian Dollars. The day they arrived was really exciting. I admired my new peach –coloured box and photographed it from several angles.
I then carefully opened the box… there lay six gorgeous products and a fortune cookie. Where was my headband?? Oh no. Now I couldn’t do a quirky face-washing selfie! Devo. I seriously felt hurt.
I decided to include my cat in the ‘gram, because cats + internets = win. They responded within minutes! And they went along with my hilarious and cute metaphor of meeting the love of my life and having our first peach-flavoured kiss. Ah! These guys!!
Anyway, here’s the review. I have been using these products for 15 weeks.
Properly Clean Face Wash
This was my favourite of the products. It’s basically just a foaming face wash, but it feels so so light on my skin that I feel like I’m not doing anything bad to my skin in the hopes of achieving beauty. When I use other products – others that I love and have used for years – I always have that worried feeling that I’m actually doing the opposite of cleaning my face.
Properly Clean smells so delicious and I immediately dumped my other face wash and used this bad-boy for every wash until it ran out. That was a sad day. I reckon it lasted me about 11 weeks. If I’d had that headband, I reckon it would have lasted a shorter time, so maybe it’s a good thing I didn’t get one. Grumble.
* 10 / 10 clean shiny happy faces.
Very Useful Face Cream
I was unsure about this at first. It came out thick and I was a little scared of rubbing it on my face. So thick. Wouldn’t the thickness of the cream smother my skin and stop it from breathing?? So I used it only at night before bed, and kept using my other-definitely-cheaper-but-lighter moisturiser in the day.
I didn’t notice much difference, but I like it! It smells great, and my husband man friend keeps smelling my face when I put it on, so that’s definitely something.
It comes in a small package of 50ml, and it is slowly dwindling down. I don’t know how I’ll feel when it’s all gone. Hmm.
* 6 / 10 confused but deliciously smelling faces.
What the fuck is this.
I do not know.
The packaging and corresponding website lists its many uses but I don’t want to do any of them. Add to moisturiser for a boost – why? What? Huh?
Add to hair for tame fly-aways – okay I actually tried this because I have the most fly-aways in the country, but I DID NOT ENJOY THIS. I simply had oily hair all day and felt self-conscious.
Use all over the skin – this I get. And I have mostly used it on my legs after their occasional shave. I’m kinda just using it so it’ll leave my life. The tube has become oily and has ruined important paperwork I have inadvertently left the tube on.
* 2 / 10 confused, shiny legs.
Here’s another oil that I’m confused about. It’s specifically to enhance the face, but maybe it’s for people with specific facial problems. I get the occasional pimple or blackhead, but don’t really suffer any other afflictions like overly-oil or dry skin.
I really like putting oil on my skin before bed, which is how I’ve been using it, but then I have to sit for ages and wait for it to sink in or risk sliding off my pillow instantly.
Oils. I just don’t know.
*3 / 10 slippery pillows.
I want to eat them. They smell so good. They feel like they’re really doing something to my face. They are these little wet wipes with built in sharp bits, and you rub them all over your face (or the face of a loved one) and feel the dirt and sadness slide right off.
You get about a billion in a package and they are certainly value for money and are excellent in every way. Yes!
*10 / 10 fuck yeahs.
I got excited about having a new lip balm. I have been in the cult of Lucas Pawpaw Ointment since I was birthed inside the colony, so I was intrigued to meet a possible new god.
The balm is goopy and has a weird dirt texture, and does not make my lips feel soft. It lives in my handbag but I avoid using it all day and I’ve kept using Pawpaw. But then! My tube of Pawpaw ran out!! So I just wait until I’m home and dip into my big tub of Pawpaw and apologise that I ever thought Pawpaw could be replaced. I don’t care about these Lips!
*0 / 10 goops.
These views are purely that of the author. If you want to make up your own mind, check out Go-To beauty products @gotoskincare or check out their website here.
Penelope (Nel) Kentish is a theatre maker and is definitely no beauty expert. She lives in Bathurst with her husband and misogynistic cat.