It used to be the sound of crickets, an orchestra of creaks every night at 8pm like clockwork. It used to be mozzies; buzzing around your fucking ear at night, the zap you’d hear as they met their fate with the fluorescent light.
It used to be cool dudes on skateboards ‘hanging ten’, somehow holding onto a bottle of Coke at the same time without spilling it. It used be lifting your shirt over the nearest fan to dry off your under-boob sweat (guys get it too).
The early summer signs ain’t what they used to be.
These days, you know Summer has well and truly arrived not because of the temperature but because every single surface in your life (computer screens, billboards, magazine spreads, bus stops) is plastered with bikini clad babes and Speedo donning hunks. As a big person, that really fucking sucks.
I pop into my local shopping centre for some free down time with my good friend air conditioning. Instead, I’m met with overly eager gym scouts flinging flyers at me for a ‘free exercise trial’. That’s probably the only free thing in my life that I’m not interested in.
Can’t big people enjoy this season too? Can’t it be about having time off and chilling with friends? It’s like our social feeds are hell bent on reminding us that a #summerreadybody is the ultimate #goal and is the only true form of #happiness. Well you can #fuckoff, coz these rolls ain’t going nowhere.
Don’t get me wrong, go for gold if you wanna work hard and sculpt yourself some abs, if your #goal is to have a smoking bod then I’m behind you 100%. However, if it means hating your body because of Instagram ideals, then it’s time we re-evaluated things a little.
Summer is the one time we can blame the weather for the inability to do things (except for Winter when we’re too damn cosy to do anything). Didn’t go for a run? Too hot. Late to work? Car overheated. Customer saw you fanning your under-boob sweat and it’s blowing in their direction? Okay that’s pretty gross but you get what I mean.
Thick brothers and sisters and everyone in between, we have to unite. We have to be there for our peers who are wasting their summers hating themselves for being too pale, or not thin enough to wear that $3,000 triangl bikini set, or for not losing weight after exfoliating themselves with the latest coffee/kale/concrete scrub.
There are enough expectations out there to look a certain way and it gets so tiring for 95% of the human population who don’t fit that aesthetic. We can’t weigh (mind the pun) each other down this summer; we gotta look out for each other, have each other’s sweaty backs. The sooner we are happy with ourselves, the sooner we can sip cocktails by some body of water.
Despite the fact that it’s 40 degrees and you’re feeling a little heat grumpy, you should be able to look back on these days of youthful summers with a smile on your sunburnt little face. Love the junk in your trunk and FUCK #summerbods.
Image: Kate Bath
Mark is a sexy young ethnic guy who is known for his infectious laugh and ridiculous sense of humour. He rarely crosses the line, but that may be because he assumes it requires cardio. He prides himself on his morals and ethics but this can easily be thrown out the door if a cute guy gives him attention. Follow lurk on Instagram here.