Do you remember being a teenager? Everything was so fucking hard and you thought you were the first person in the world to smoke a joint.
The boy you liked fingered someone at the school disco which propelled you into four more years of frigid-hood because you were worried that fingering would make you bleed and you'd be embarrassed that he'd tell people at school about it.
Your Mum was always being a bitch to you, especially that time that she wouldn't let you buy that Supre shirt that has "Daddyz little Angel". At the time you thought it was because she wanted you to like her better than your Dad, but now you realise that she was probably uncomfortable about the heavy sexual undertone of the message that was branded across your un-ripened breasts.
You'd spend hours of your evening furiously scribbling your angst and sadness into the pages of your bejazzled journal: first kisses, sleepovers that you weren't invited to, teachers that you thought might be having s.e.x outside of school, complicated situations that your pubescent mind couldn't quite comprehend but was curious to probe into; it's all bound together under lock and key (sometimes literally) in the pages of your sacred teenage journal.
We rallied some brave ladies to unlock the pages of their diaries to the world and share some sweet and cringeworthy memories of their former pubescent selves.
Rosie, 25, Newcastle
Like any self respecting millennial narcissist, I documented my teenage years in an array of sparkly, kEeP OUt diaries. More personal entries kept away from prying eyes, here are some bangers I have enough emotional distance from to laugh at now I am a grown woman. You're welcome.
He stuck his tongue straight in. Ew. Gross.
When you're too young to really understand what a blow-job is, or what it's called, so you just draw a picture of it...
When you're 14 and keeping track of your finances...
Katie, 25, Sydney
I still feel extremely embarrassed about these entries (I feel like I'm putting a little bit of my soul on display) but when I read back on my accounts of my very first kiss/date/sexual experience I'm reminded of what a different person I was then. I think it's quite sweet to understand what I was thinking and how I was digesting certain experiences (I was always really scared of the idea of having to give someone a blow-job). My current 'adult' journal is now filled my 'deep intellectual thoughts'...I'm kidding, it's 100% all still about boys that I like.
When you make a list of all the places that you made out.
When 'the new girl' comes to school and the boys aren't interested in you anymore.
Back when you thought it was okay to same "I sound so gay!" No Kate, you actually sound super hetero talking about pashing your boyfriend.
He held your hand? Aw, sweetie.
Anon, 25, Sydney
Her thoughts are as erratic as her writing, this self proclaimed 'too cool for school chick' thought she'd document the growing pains associated with teenage life. Seven years down the track she turned out okay.
* For those who can't quite make out the teenage scrawl here are some highlights
"To be honest, we don't know what we're doing. Some cigarette tobacco rolling paper and the pot - trying to make something of it, it won't work!"
"We laughed at how we thought X was a semi psycho and jealous that we hooked up once as a joke."
"The best thing about today was the fucking freedom, we just didn't give a shit at all."
"I feel so conflicted right now. I found out that X cheated on X with X. Who fingers people anymore now?"
"I stayed at X's last night. It was so fucking awkward. I felt undermined because they all went to the movies and I was so against the idea. I began to cry, what's wrong with me...like, what's up with that? Your friends are meant to be more important that a fucking horror movie. Oh yeah, did I mention that they wanted to see PARANORMAL ACTIVITY?! Like, that actually freaks me out!"
"I think I'm getting my period."
Maddy, 25, Newcastle
I will be forever grateful to my teenaged self for documenting all of my coming of age angst and passion in lengthy, grammatically flawed, heartfelt monologues. The painstaking detail and cringeworthiness of it all lets me appreciate just how far I have come, but a more thorough riffle through has me realising I mightn’t have changed that much at all.
When you're confused and excited about LOVE AND BEAUTY.
Boys that you regret kissing versus boys who have a motorcycle <3 <3 <3
Lauren, 25, Newcastle
I feel like it goes to show young people's ideas and opinions can be totally valid and we shouldn't be so quick to cast off tweens as 'naive'. I see new relevance for those thoughts in my current life and circumstances, so who knows if I were to keep a diary now I might have written the same thing just with improved language skills!
If you have a killer diary entry that you'd like to share with us for a future post pls send to firstname.lastname@example.org. We'd love to share in your embarrassment.