You should go and love yourself

September 21, 2016

Now to get this clear from the start. In case you’re expecting a philosophical exploration of how important it is to be 'at one with yourself', it’s probably time to read another article. I’m talking loving yourself. I’m talking flicking the bean, jerking the gherkin, polishing the pearl. I’m talking masturbation.

 

No doubt, at some point in your life, you’ve heard that wanking too much will make you go blind, cause infertility or send you straight into the fiery pits of hell. There are so many myths surrounding masturbation, most of which have no foundation at all and are straight up fucking nonsense.

 

However ludicrous the reasons not to masturbate are, the benefits a little self lovin’ are scientifically proven and you can’t argue with science guys.

 

It’s good for you

 

For both men and women, the health benefits of a little self lovin’ are countless. If you’re feeling a little under the weather drop the orange juice and pick up the vibrator because masturbation increases the production of white blood cells which will help attack any cold you may be fighting. For the fellas, a little jerk of the gherk flushes out the toxins in your prostate gland which will lower your risk of prostate cancer.

 

Not only does masturbation help fight the common cold, it also increases heart’s health. Doctors are always encouraging exercise, and getting your own heart racing in the bedroom is no different. Getting off and decreasing your risk of type-2 diabetes!? Win!

 

The endorphins that are released during orgasms are also found to reduce pain which can act as a sure fire way to beat period pain. So ladies, if you’re getting a little crampy pre-menstruation, polishing your pearl may just help relieve the pain and a little frustration at the same time, or you could always find someone to help you out.

 

It relieves stress and helps you sleep

 

Masturbating releases the chemical dopamine, which triggers the pleasure centre of the brain and reduces stress, not to mention all the action is a little tiring so you’ll be sure to sleep well, with a grin from ear to ear.

 

 

 

It’s good for your vagina

 

We do them on the bus, in line at the supermarket and while we are brushing our teeth… the ever important pelvic floor exercises. But did you know you’re also doing it when you masturbate? Every orgasmic contraction is working those bad boys, improving your bladder control and making the next sexual experience (with an actual human) even better.

 

It’s good for self esteem

 

When mum said that I couldn’t love until I learnt to “love myself” perhaps she wasn’t talking about relationships…

 

Maybe she talking masturbation in which case she was on point with her parental advice. Learning to “love yourself” (in whatever capacity) teaches you about your own body in a way that nothing else can. Getting to know and love yourself makes you more confident in the bedroom and confident in your own skin. And there is nothing sexier than confidence.

 

Tuning in to your own body is not only great fun but it is also incredibly empowering and will make you happier in your mind and body. So bust out your bedside drawer buddy and empower yourself baby!

 

It could help you have better sex

 

There is no better way to learn what you like in the bedroom than to do it yourself. If you don’t know what you like how the hell is your partner going to figure it out? Learn what you like yourself then guide them. It’s one thing to get a shitty Christmas present because you didn’t tell them what you wanted, but you can’t return months of bad sex to the store.

 

So the moral of this story is that the nuns were wrong. Screw the fiery pits of hell, stop reading this article and go and have yourself some quality ‘me’ time. 

 

Image: Alex Jack Photography

 

Anna Wall is a self-confessed hedonist and self-appointed travel expert. She drinks coffee until its appropriate to move on to wine and believes that there is nothing more satisfying in life than good wine and a good book. She's scared of balloons, the dark and of growing up. 

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