Chloë Sevigny "the coolest girl in the world."

July 28, 2016

A wise woman once sung, “I need a hero”. Well, in my memory it was actually that fairy in the Shrek sequel, but god-damn was she right. We need someone to look up to and as a twenty-year old desperately trying to seem cooler and more adjusted than I really am, I find spiritual leadership and solace in one alternate, blonde, fashionista - Chloë Sevigny.

 Now I'm not saying that people like Mother Teresa or the Dalai Lama aren't also good role models, I’m just suggesting giving someone else a chance. When the Dalai Lama was 19 did The New Yorker call him the "coolest girl in the world” Huh? No, they did not, but guess who they did say that about? Chloë fucking Sevigny, that’s who. I'm sticking with my gal, and here is 3 reasons why you should too.


1. She’s queen of the forward slash


If you have no idea who I am talking about, I assume you took/will take to Google to learn more about this goddess. What Google will tell you is that this girl has done a hell of a lot of stuff. 


Model/actress/designer/costumer/writer/zine maker/inspiration for some random twenty-year old guy’s article/overall fucking enigma. She does absolutely everything and she does it better than all of us.


She probably just wakes up every morning and decides to take on a new career path then executes it flawlessly. “I’m going to be a model today - oh look I got a Mui Mui campaign. Oh wait, maybe an actress, look, I was nominated for an Oscar, lol."


If this doesn't inspire you to give everything a go then you're a lost cause and this article isn't for you. Watch an inspirational buzzfeed video asap.


2. The queen can bounce back


During her art house actress days, she appeared in the 2003 film The Brown Bunny. In the last scene of the film, she gave an un-simulated blow job to her director and co-star. This perhaps wasn’t the wisest decision as she was soon crucified in the media and lost support from her agents for a minute or so there.


But what does she do in a crisis, casually stars in a Woody Allen film and a bunch more that then leads to a role on the TV show Big Love that ends in what, winning a bloody Golden Globe award. Not to speak on behalf of everyone, but I can’t say that my most negative blow job experiences have resulted in winning a fucking Golden Globe.





3. She has the best impersonator 


Here is the thing that I love about her the most, she’s relevant enough to have an impersonator, but cool enough for it to be one man in a wig that looks eerily like her and makes obscure web videos.

That’s what I call niche impersonation.


In most cases celebratory impersonators wind up on RuPaul’s Drag Race or a day time talk show. But alas that’s too mainstream for anything even adjacent to good ole Chloë. What does her impersonator get? A fucking Marc Jacobs fashion campaign. That’s right, Chloë Sevigny is so fucking influential her 39 year old male impersonator gets a high fashion editorial campaign. Fuck.



"I can’t say that my most negative blow job experiences have resulted in winning a fucking Golden Globe."


In re-reading these words, I do understand that I sound slightly unhinged, but I also know that if you are looking for someone to look up to, go no further than our girl Chloë Sevigny. Sure, she makes improper blow job decisions from time to time - but hey, don’t we all? Don’t judge. Show me your fucking Golden Globe and maybe I’ll write an article about you.


Daniel is a 20 year old uni student living in Sydney. His personal mantra is, “Oh god why did I eat that”. He is currently working on his goal of becoming famous enough on Instagram to promote weight loss tea. Please help him reach that goal by following @daniel_hayek


Images: @chloesevigny

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