The lies that we were fed as children

July 9, 2016

There's no doubting that parents have a big job on their hands, with putting up with our shit and raising the future generation and all but does that make it okay for them to lie to us to make their lives easier. If you ask them they'll say 'hell yes'. While they were right about the fact that you shouldn't swallow your gum or stand millimetres away from the microwave while it nuked your hot milo sometimes they just out right lied to you!

 

I'm sorry to have to be the one to tell you this but if you heard any of the following during your childhood, chances are they were a big fat lie.

 

 "You can be anything you want to be"

 

Pffffffftttttt.

You might want to put your dreams of being an international supermodel on hold for the time being. Unless you’re 5’2 that is. You can put plenty of time, effort and hard work into your dreams and maybe they will come into fruition but sometimes you've just got to settle for second best. 

 

 "An apple a day keeps the doctor away"

 

I used to believe this one and then someone told me that those things are full of sugars that can rot your teeth and that you probably shouldn't be having an apple every single day.  : O

 

It actually takes a whole lot more than that to keep yourself healthy and to keep the doctor away. Pesky things like exercise, healthy eating and not drinking too much wine (damn you liver). But you love wine, so maybe we don't really care about keeping the doctor away. Just make sure they bulk bill.

 

"Good things come to those who wait"

 

No, good things come to those who get off their ass each and every morning and get shit done. If you just wait around hoping and wishing for your dream job to fall into your lap, you're going to be waiting a very long, long time.

 

I've been waiting for Jude Law to turn up on my door step for years now.

 

"Honesty is the best policy"

 

That's rich coming from you Mum. Shall we re-hash the whole santa will come if you're a good girl thing? Or can we just write that off as A BIG FAT LIE.

 

While it is best to tell your friend yes, that dress does in fact make her look like a Nun, the same rules do not apply to your future mother in law’s dry, tasteless roast. Sometime it’s safer to zip your damn lips.

 

"Love is forever"

 

Some parents force their warped vision of love onto their unsuspecting children.  It’s usually jilted mothers who are on to their third husband. The lie starts with “Get yourself a good man who can take care of you” and ends with “Take him for all he’s got” while she’s sloshing her glass of red all over the carpet.

 

While your family is forced to love you for your entire life, your partner is not. You don't share blood (let's hope anyway) so there is no obligation to stick around if you happen to stop thinking that they are the best thing since sliced bread.

 

 "Every cloud has a silver lining"

 

This one is a classic! Each time something shitty happened to you at school or your first boyfriend dumped you over a text message (bastard) your parents would whip out the classic “Everything happens for a reason” or “Every cloud has a silver lining."

 

 When in the real world sometimes crappy things happen because life wants to challenge you and see how far it can push you until you’re rocking back and forth in a corner chanting "I could have been successful if Tommy hadn't dumped me four years ago." Fucking Tommy.

 

"Men like proper ladies and Women like men with money"

 

Maybe your mum yanked down your skirt before leaving the house each morning and said ‘Little ladies don't dress like that’ or told you off for swearing because nobody wants to marry a woman with a mouth like a truck driver.

 

Really though, it wasn't just your traditional Mum telling you these things it was also the media and society instilling in us that women and men are only useful to one another in certain ways. Times definitely have changed. 

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