They say that your 20's are your time to learn. Well, here is what I have learnt so far:
1.Never tell a girl that her hair dye job looks ‘orange’. It will never be taken as a compliment.
2. There’s no such thing as too many cups of tea in one day.
3. The greatest contrast of emotion that you can experience is the happiness of starting a delicious meal paired with the utter despair when you first realise that you’ve almost finished eating.
4. It’s important to know a little something about the current state of government. What they’re doing often directly affects you.
5. You’ll never be able to replicate your parent’s recipes, no matter how hard you try.
6. It’s important to put air in your tyres before a long trip. (Who would have thought!)
7. It’s okay to have a glass of wine in the afternoon if you’ve had a rough day, but wait until the sun is gone before you hit the hard spirits.
8. When you’re parents say, “I’m just trying to look out for you”, they’re usually just trying to prevent you from replicating their own embarrassing mistakes.
9. Never let your bank balance fall below $500. Retail therapy might sound appealing but the stress of not making rent really isn’t worth it.
10. You should only move in with a friend that you’re comfortable to yell at. Being polite often gets you no where.
11. Your life will never turn out like anyone from a TV show, ever. Just stop hoping and start living.
12. Social media is an evil whirlpool that we will probably never be able to escape in our lifetime.
13. You should start saving for a house. Like, now.
14. Never forget the lyrics to those cool songs from your ‘So Fresh Hits of 2004’ album, singing those bangers and the top of your lungs is such a stress reliever.
15. Don’t ever try and cut your own fringe. Thank you Lena Dunham.
16. Come to terms with the fact that your friendships come and go as you progress through life, just always make sure you have 2 or 3 people that you can call on when needed and party on with the others.
17. You really should have started learning another language about five years ago, it’s almost too late for us now.
18. A dog is not just a man’s best friend, but also a woman’s. Never trust a person that doesn’t like dogs. Their probably plotting your death with the cats.
19. Never judge a book or person by its cover or hairstyle.
20. Slow down in all aspects of your life. Driving, thinking, speaking, being.
21. Aim for a distinction, expect a pass and be pleasantly surprised by a credit.
22. The best way to get revenge on someone is to become a better person than they are.
23. Listen to the music that your parents used to play. Not only will it bring back a nice rush of nostalgia, but it’s actually pretty great!
24. You can learn a lot from small children if you’re willing to give them your time.
25. Chia seeds are a trendy scam. Don’t fall for it, your muesli will survive!
26. If someone has feelings for you, they will make it extremely obvious. Stop reading into things people say and do, they’re probably just trying to be nice.
27. It’s important to feel sexy. Dance in your underwear in front of your mirror at least once a week.
28. Don’t settle for cheap shampoo or conditioner, your hair is worth the good stuff.
29. Know you limits and don’t let people push you past them.
30. Drink lots and lots of water for the rest of your life.
31. Never have sex with a friend if you think you could ‘learn to like them’. You’ll know if you already do like them, they’re your friend, and sleeping with them could ruin something good.
32. People can be really shitty but don’t let it get you down, because you’re only shitty sometimes and you deserve to be surrounded by wonderful people.
33. You shouldn’t be dating someone that didn’t make you feel special from the moment they met you.
34. Don’t ever Google your symptoms, it will always come back as Cancer. I once thought I had a blood clot because my arm was numb, I went to Emergency, only to be told that I’d pulled a muscle from hauling my desk across the room. Real griping stuff.
35. When you’re really angry with someone you should write them a letter, but never give it to them. Unless you really hate them, then unleash your fiery words upon their poor soul.
36. Don’t assume that every stranger you meet in a bar is going to be creepy. Just don’t be surprised if they are.
37. English people know how to make really good comedy series. American’s know how to copy other people’s ideas and make it louder.
38. Try and date someone over the age of 25 for maturity reasons.
39. Highlighting each paragraph in your textbook does not count as studying.
40. Don’t be ashamed to poo in a public toilet. The anxiety you feel is real, but the pain you feel after holding it in for hours is even more real.
41. Work hard when you’re at work, but don’t let your employer fuck you around. Your skills are valuable and important, but you’re probably not going to be a waitress for the rest of your life, so value yourself because employer probably wont.
42. Your parents are awesome forms of inspiration. They made you and it’s most likely that you’ll turn out something like them, so embrace their wisdom and enjoy their home cooked meals.
43. Just because someone tells you that it’s daggy to wear your ugg boots to the supermarket, it shouldn’t stop you from doing so. Don't be a people pleaser.
44. Procrastination is a creatives worst nightmare. Turn it into something more productive with procrasti-baking, procrasti-craft-making or procrasti-masturbating; at least you’ll get something out of it all.
45. If you’re lactose intolerant you should stop trying to be a dairy rebel and make yourself sick. Just accept that cheese is no longer a part of your life and move on.
*No....I take that back, cheese should always be a part of your life, even if it makes you throw up in your mouth a little bit.
46. If you’re offered an interesting job, you should probably take it to avoid being filled with regret and bitterness at the ripe age of 30.
47. Your dignity is your strongest asset. Keep it intact and forget about all the other shit.
48. Diets only work for 3% of the population. Adapt a healthy lifestyle that suits you and learn to be comfortable with your body.
49. One day your friends will become your family. Choose them wisely.
50. And now for my life motto. This pertains to everything you ever do in your life. Never settle for any less than you’re willing to offer.
Kate Neilson is a twenty-something list maker and booty shaker from Sydney. She likes rainbows and puppies and people who bake her treats. She is the creator of Twenty Something Humans.