How to be a good sex slave
My inbox is regularly filled with messages from males telling me how they wish to be my personal slave.
These messages are often accompanied by their fantasies of how they wish to serve me, rules upon which they believe they are to follow, as well as rewards and punishments they believe they are entitled to receive.
I rarely respond to such messages. When I do, I simply tell them they are out of line and if they think they are a service submissive deserving of being my slave; they are kidding themselves. Often, I then direct them to how they can obtain a prodomme session with me, as what they want is not to be a slave to me, but for me to cater to their fantasies and desires with little thought to what I want from a slave and my preferred methods of training, reward and punishment.
As a professional dominant, I am happy to cater to your wild fantasies for a price. As a lifestyle dominant, my needs and desires come before yours. Period.
To be a submissive is to submit yourself to your dominant and their desires. It is to trust they will keep you safe and not transgress your limits, but ultimately you are putting yourself in their control. A good dominant will always consider their submissive’s needs and desires to ensure they have a fulfilling experience serving them; however, what occurs in such a relationship dynamic is at the discretion of the dominant, not the submissive.
To be slave, is to completely put your dominant’s needs and desires before your own. To be a slave is to offer servitude in all aspects, including tasks that may be monotonous or boring, but which when completed satisfactorily will ensure your dominant is pleased. A true BDSM slave derives their pleasure from what pleases their mistress/master. It is only when I have a slave that truly understands this and is fulfilled by doing the simple tasks I require of them that I feel inclined to offer them the best rewards to demonstrate my immense gratitude.
As for punishments, I feel there are too many self-proclaimed slaves that are under the impression punishments should be kinky and fun. The amount of masochistic men who suggest to me that they should be caned as a punishment is astounding. Caning is rarely a punishment, but a reward. A punishment is not made to be enjoyed. A punishment is something that should make you reconsider your actions so that you will never make the same mistake twice.
All this said, I would like to provide you with some tips on how you can become a real slave that any mistress/master would be lucky to have.
How to become a good slave:
Read! There are a great number of sources you can gain information from to help you to understand what a mistress/master wants from a slave and how you can work towards becoming the best submissive and/or slave you can be. I've compiled a list at the bottom of this article.
Attend munches. If you’re still unsure of what you can do to really please a mistress/master, or how you can learn more about BDSM principles and get involved in the community, then attend local munches. Munches are casual gatherings, usually at a bar, where BDSM/kink enthusiasts meet in a casual setting to get to know each other. Many people at these events would be happy to chat, get to know you and point you in the right direction to learn more.
Attend play parties. This is another great way to get to know people within the community. Take this opportunity to see how people play; ask about safe ways to play. After getting to know some people, you can kindly request to play with others.
Attend workshops. Many kink spaces put on workshops and courses on different kink play skills (for example, introduction to Japanese rope bondage or how to safely and effectively practice corporal punishment). These are another great way to learn about how to play and how to ensure both you and your partner get the most out of a scene together.
Have sessions with professionals. This is a great way to learn more about your likes and dislikes in a discreet, non-judgemental and safe environment. A professional dominatrix is someone that can be hired to be the dominant in a scene you would like to play out. A pro-dom can cater to any kinks and fetishes you would like to explore. Not only that, they can train and guide you to find yourself and discover new ways you might not have thought of yourself to be able to serve a dominant.
Keep a journal. This is where you can write about what things you’ve tried that you like, what you don’t like, what you want to learn more about or practice more, what your hard limits are, and what your soft limits are. Having all of this down on paper will serve you well in the long term as when you find a mistress/master who you would love to serve, you have everything on hand to be able to show them. The more your dominant knows about you and your experience, the better they will be able ensure the relationship is fulfilling, safe and consensual on both ends.
Become domesticated. Practice washing dishes with great attention to detail, ensuring they are done to the highest standard. The amount of times I’ve had a trial slave wash my dishes only for me to later find the mugs still have coffee rings and my knives are still covered in food, is astounding. These are full grown men who can’t even wash dishes properly, yet think they’re worthy of serving me sexually. Not happening. Learn a few handy tasks like how to fix a leaking tap, replace a fuse, mow the lawn, reattach a new hinge to the kitchen cupboard. YouTube tutorials can teach you pretty much everything you need to know.
Listen to what they need. Sometimes your mistress/master might not directly ask you for something, but if you’re always listening carefully it’s not hard to find an opportunity to make their day. Perhaps they say off handedly that they need to go grocery shopping, but don’t feel like going out. If you have the means to do so, why not offer to do it for them?
Get them a gift. Don’t worry if your budget doesn’t allow for something extravagant – something as simple as a heartfelt letter expressing what your mistress/master means to you accompanied by a box of chocolates and a foot massage can be a wonderful gift to show your appreciation and undying servitude.
Look after yourself. Take pride in yourself and your appearance. A slave that is fit, healthy and well groomed is always preferable to one that is not. Take pride in everything that you own. Clean your room, your house, your car. With a previous slave, the one big thing I asked them to do was to keep their car clean so that it was always ready if I wanted them to drive me on errands. Each time, however, I would be disappointedly climbing in and having to rest my feet on a week’s worth of garbage thrown onto the floor after going through the drive-thru. You can guess correctly that it didn’t work out with us.
Impressing a mistress or master is not a difficult task. Learn about BDSM principles and what being a slave involves. Explore yourself and what it is you desire.. If being a slave is still what you want, then work hard to acquire the necessary skills and develop the right attitude and relationships within the kink community.
Reading list for aspiring slaves:
What does being a slave mean? by Dennis Najee
Lessons in Submissive Speech by Luna Carruthers
BDSM Basics For Submissives by Michelle Fegatofi
Real Service by Raven Kaldera and Joshua Tenpenny
Erotic Slavehood by Christina Abernathy
The New Bottoming Book by Janet W. Hardy and Dossie Easton
Making Online Submission Work For You by Jessica Elizabeth and Luna Carruthers
Enough To Make You Blush: Exploring Erotic Humiliation by Princess Kali
Surrender, Submit, Serve Her by Key Barrett
If you have any further questions or comments on this topic, or if you have read through the provided reading list and want to learn more, please tweet me – @_mistress_ava and tag #DesireIntoDiscourse in your tweet.
This is an edited version of an article that originally appeared on Chattr. Click here for the original.