• Mikaela Dery

How did my favourite fictional characters vote?

There are many things the Trump presidency has ruined for me — red hats, the colour orange, twitter as a medium. The existential terror of our current times has also changed the fiction I consume. Gone are the days when I could binge classic dramas, heart-wrenching indies and bone chilling documentaries.

Instead, my tastes have become exclusively upbeat, perhaps in response to the uncertainty of our modern era (will North Korea nuke us? Will the world overheat and burn us all alive?) I mostly re-watch the same two shows: Gilmore Girls and Friday Night Lights.

But lately the orange leader of the free world has corrupted even these. Suddenly, I can't stop thinking about how my favourite fictional characters would have voted.

Gilmore Girls

Rory, who wrote her college application essay on Hillary Clinton, enthusiastically helps longtime Clinton friends, Emily and Richard, plan fundraisers for the campaign.

Lorelai tells her parents that she’s voting for Bernie before relenting and investing in a vast array of pussy related merchandise.

Luke claims to not like politics and initially refuses to vote, but after an impassioned New York Times op-ed about male ally-ship (written by Hillary supporter Max Medina) goes viral, he is more receptive to a swift and aggressive education from Rory and Lorelai and he becomes increasingly outraged by the Trump campaign.

His political activism reaches fever pitch when he finds out Taylor intends to vote for Trump, and the menus at the diner are re-printed to include an 'I’m With Her’ logo.

Kirk staffs the Stars Hollow voting booths. After his experience with Cat Kirk, he warns voters against aligning themselves with anything that has grabbed a pussy, but in the stress of the day, he forgets to vote himself and is later convinced that misleading polls that predicted a Hillary win are a result of his forgetfulness.

Sookie bakes edible 'I’m With Her' badges, which she refuses to give republicans — a lure which successfully swings many of Stars Hollow’s conservative voters.

Dean votes Trump, and has some men’s rights leanings that Rory and Lorelai inexplicably choose to ignore. He later expresses the view that #MeToo has gone too far (A guy can’t call a girl 36 times in one evening...or build her a car and then get mad when she doesn't say "I love you" back...or wait outside her house after she’s ignored all of your calls anymore?!).

Logan’s father has tracked the rise of Donald Trump and predicts his success early on. Sensing that the attacks on the media will escalate, he aligns his newspapers with Fox News and quietly makes substantial donations to the Trump campaign. Logan tells Rory that he plans to vote for Hillary, but after his father threatens to cut him off, he votes for Trump. Rory continues to date him.

Jess initially supports Bernie, and while he expresses some disappointment when he doesn’t win the primaries, he ultimately throws his support behind Hillary. After the election he runs into Rory, Lane, Lorelai and Sookie at the Women’s March. Logan says that he wanted to attend but his dad said he couldn’t (and does Rory understand the pressure that he’s under!?). Luke also attends, and has replaced his baseball cap with a knitted pussy beanie.

April votes for Jill Stein, talks about it constantly.

Christopher finds coverage of the election to be too overwhelming and doesn’t vote. Paris also doesn't vote, but only because she's too busy planning her 2020 Presidency campaign.

Friday Night Lights

As I watched my husband, Tim Riggins, thoughtfully smize beneath his tendrils of tousled hair, it occurred to me that in 2018 his iconic locks, so useful for gazing longingly across the fields of Texas, would likely be adorned by a red MAGA cap.

Billy Riggins, an early supporter of Donald Trump, is often seen wearing his MAGA hat, but his election day party escalates and he doesn’t make it to the polling booths.

Tim, in the absence of any dissenting views, joins the festivities, but stops wearing his MAGA cap so that he can sleep with the Hillary campaigners who venture to Dillon. He doesn’t vote, and later comes across a newspaper headline outlining some of Trump’s more problematic views. He is quietly shocked but doesn’t think too much about it.

Tammy Taylor, committed to fighting the good fight, campaigns and fundraises for Hillary, much to the chagrin of her husband who fields angry phone calls from football fans and sponsors.

She is surprised to find enthusiastic allies in sweet angel Matt Saracen and his grandmother, who are horrified by Trump’s treatment of veterans, women and people of colour. Julie follows suit and, after some convincing, so does Coach Taylor.

Tyra, a Tammy Taylor success story and fellow Hillary voter, returns home to support her former mentor in her futile efforts to turn Dillon blue. She successfully convinces her mother to vote for Hillary, but is surprised to find that her sister, Mindy requires no convincing. A friend of hers had an unsavoury encounter with Trump some time ago, and she has, rightly, regarded him as a mortal enemy ever since.

Lyla patiently listens to the well thought out arguments from these women with a blank expression on her face, and then votes for Trump.

JD McCoy’s parents are huge donors the to Trump campaign. In an act of rebellion, he initially supports Bernie, but loses momentum by election day and doesn’t vote.

Smash, now a successful NFL player refuses to make his political affiliations public, but is privately charmed by Trump’s brashness and anti-establishment fervour. He is later horrified by Trump's treatment of his fellow NFL players, and vocally opposes him at midterms. His mother, a democrat, is deeply exasperated.

Mikaela is a writer, breakfast enthusiast and aspiring full-time hat wear-er. Lately she mostly just wants to talk about Greta Gerwig's adaptation of Little Women. You can check out more of her work here.

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