The Evolution of Friendship
A letter to my loved and lost friends and the ones still hanging around.
The challenges of bringing a friendship from a young adolescent space into an adult friendship is harder than is portrayed in any episode of Neighbours or The O.C - they don't prepare you for the realities of transitional friendships, only some will last.
The lifecycle of a friendship, in most cases, is often rather predictable. In those early years, you startt gaining friends, one by one, and by high school you have a relatively functioning set of fellow humans that kind of like the same crap as you and they listen to the same tunes that you do. It’s as you reach your 20’s that you start to realise a lot of your friendships become a little basic, and in some cases toxic. You learn who you think will stick around, who you want to stick around, and who will actually stick around.
It’s important not to get caught up in the tacky insta-post quote pasted onto a photo of a whimsical mountain that your aunty shared, that reads “if you have one true best friend in your life, you’re lucky...Idk about you, but in my lifetime I’ve had more than a few, and lost more than one and that’s okay! Unfortunately, over the transition of an ageing friendships things can become rather blasé and often more effort than comfort.
On the first day of primary school we choose our best friend based on how much we like their pencil case or how much cooler their back pack is than the other kids, rather than what this person is going to mean to us in twenty years time. High school is more of a struggle to make friends because you’re not picking someone based on mutual simplicity, but rather choosing the people that are going to make this scary, transitional age less awkward and uncomfortable than it has to be.
It's not that you're trying to find deep meaning and potential in others, but rather scramble to find an instant soul mate so you don't have to sit alone in the back of the classroom wishing you stayed in bed that morning. Entering the final stages of post school life, where everyone branches off in the world to find where they ~fit~, it’s no longer about real life sleep over club or waiting for your mum to pick you up from the shops after you spent the day playing on kids bikes in Toys R Us. Now it’s all about finding time between ~adulting~ and Wednesday night student nights.
The gift that keeps on giving is the good ole' Internet, allowing friendships and meeting new people to go past a physical space and embrace the 21st century in all of its low maintenance glory. Messaging, calling and FaceTiming someone becomes second nature as opposed to actually going out of your way to see that person, in person, or sending them a photo of what you had for lunch. Maybe it's this new age of technology that leaves room for error in the friendship space as it allows you to put less effort and commitment into your social interactions.
You can still treasure every friendship that you’ve had, I know I do, and appreciate what they were during a certain time. It’s important to understand that its okay to have life long friends as it's just as equally okay to have temporary friends. Love your friendships for what they are and be okay with the idea of letting a few go.
Pip is twenty-one years old - Newcastle born and bred & looking at the world from an interesting perspective of 5'3. Her ideal afternoon includes a good book, a cup of tea, and sitting with a black and white cat named B.