• Kate Neilson

You should be with someone who texts you, not someone who eventually texts you back

I’d hate to know exactly how much of my lifetime I have spent with my phone glued within a five metre radius of my persons, waiting for someone that I like to text me back. Probably enough time to have learnt a language or to have become really good at sports.

It’s the most awful feeling when you take the time to craft the perfect message, considering your tone, purpose and delivery, and then don't hear anything back from said person for hours (even days sometimes). WTF is up with that? It’s just bloody rude is what it is.

Initially we make up excuses for their tardiness. Maybe they haven’t seen the message yet. Like, they haven’t even looked at their phone for the last eight hours...likely.

Maybe they saw your message and have spent this entire time trying to construct the perfect response.

Maybe they were in the company of someone else at the time and couldn’t take the time to text you back.

Maybe their phone is dead and they are away from any type of power source.

Maybe they saw your message and just as they were going to reply they dropped their phone into a body of water...or a flaming fry-pan and while they reached into the flames to retrieve their phone, just to let you know that they were thinking of you too, they suffered intense third degree burns and had to be rushed to hospital for an immediate skin graft.

Hot tip, it’s only one of those reasons about 2% of the time. Usually they have just forgotten to reply because you just don’t spark an interesting flame inside them, you’re slightly forgettable...or they are playing games with you on purpose. Either way, don’t put yourself through it any longer, delete their damn number and stop sending them subtle nipple shots on SnapChat.

You deserve to be with someone who is going to text you...not someone who texts you back, eventually.

I, like most people, was initially horrified when Facebook introduced the 'Seen' feature on Messenger. Did we really need another platform for social rejection thrust into our lives?

Now I see it as a valuable tool for identifying flakey friends and fucko fuckbois. Don't get me wrong, I'm not saying that people need to respond to messages instantly, if anything we probably need to take a step back from that need to attend to every ping of our phone within seconds, but in certain situations, leaving days between replies can often say a lot more than those words that you eventually type.

For example, if you're asking someone that you like out on a date and then don't reply for hours...that'll crush your damn squish of a soul into something resembling a bowl of soggy weetbix, especially because you know they're on their phone because they just posted a photo to Instagram. Fuckers.

It also sucks when you're having a weird fight with a friend over Messenger or asking a slightly awkward question like: "Hey Babe, was that you that threw up onto my bed last night?" and they see it instantly but don't reply for bloody ever.

THE WORST THING. THE ABSOLUTE WORST THING, is when you put your little heart on the line by saying something like this to a human that you had sex with recently:

9:30 You: Hey, last night was fun. Would you be keen for round two?

Person you banged: Seen 9:31

9:32 * Person you banged is typing...*

* * *


It's like, hello! I can see you typing. My phone is making that cute little noise that it makes when someone is responding to you, so I can hear you typing also, what the fuck were you going to say mate??

This happened to me about two years ago with a boy that I had sex with and to this day I'm still left wondering what he was going to say. Maybe he was crafting a nice way to let me down easy but decided his words sounded too harsh and didn't want to be responsible for my demise following the news that I'd never get to have sex with him again...what is the point in living if I couldn't be with him, right? So maybe he thought it was best to ignore me instead...for my own safety, you know? *

It's hurtful and it's suckie but the reality is that we just deserve better. If someone is ignoring your messages, c'est la vie. They don't have to like you. They didn't sign some kind of contract that legally requires them to respond to your text message. They're out with mates, they're having a good time, they're probably having sex with someone else as. we. speak.

So rather than feeling damaged by the whole experience, which we often do feel, why not instead just say to yourself: "I deserve someone who will text me the day after we had sex, just to tell me that having sex with me was really nice." That's what we all deserve kids, someone who thinks we're nice at sex and wants to tell us about it.

*It was extremely average sex and I was only following up for a re-match to give him the opportunity to prove that he could do better than that. Honestly.

Kate Neilson is the creator of Twenty Something Humans and currently has a pretty gnarly hangover. She likes sweet treats, vegemite on toast and only drinks half of a cup of tea. She can be lurked @katie93rose

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