• Daniel Hayek

When you can't figure out if you're a bad arse or not?

It’s getting to the stage of my life where I am expected to be making serious decisions. I need to hone my political views, consider where I see myself in the future and ask myself the big questions, such as do I prefer girth or length? It’s a lot to deal with.

While I do know a lot about myself, there will always be one thing that I will struggle to actually know - am I a total bad arse, or do I prefer playing it safe?

I am truly bloody stuck. Being a twenty-something is a strange blend of responsibility and adventure. It’s not like one is better than the other, it’s just whether you'd prefer to have an adventure or an impressive superannuation fund. I know the simple suggestion would be, “Well what do you want?” And to you I say, “IDK, it fucking varies. I'm young, I'm confused. How dare you! Wanna make out?”

So here are some situations that leave me questioning if I am a bad arse free spirit or a safe measured planner.

1. Confrontations

As a human with Facebook, I am often faced with the conundrum of whether or not to comment on political statuses. If some person I haven't spoken to in several thousand years shares an article on “10 reasons women should be paid less than men” or “Same sex marriage = World War III” I never truly know how to react.

As a boss ass bitch I will compose a sassy paragraph full of fact, figures and general ‘fuck you’s’. But just before I upload, a little voice in my head says, “Would you like to know how many ways this can backfire? Because it’s a WHOLE FUCKING LOT!” I get stuck, staring at my angry manifesto, unsure of how bad arse I truly can be. The outcome differs every time based on a myriad of important factors, mainly because I'm usually drunk.

2. Life plans

I'm almost finished my degree, which means it’s the time for relatives that I never see to demand to know my complete 10 year plan. It changes everyday because I don’t know what direction I should be taking. For example, the “serious” side of me suggests getting a financial planner and purchasing stocks in some kind of boring yet stable product. But then there is the other side. The side that has a clip in feather hair extension and a phantom “Carpe Diem” thigh tattoo.

That side tells me to buy a pastel camper van and go around Australia taking obscure polaroid pictures to sell at markets. It’s a toss up, because sure I’ll meet cool people in my van, but stocks mean being able to have security for me and my future French bulldog, Donatella. I can’t delve further into this because it always leaves me stressed and needing to eat my feelings. I had to consume a tablespoon of peanut butter mid paragraph just to get through this. Send help.


Instagram provides us with multiple gifts such as sponsored waist trainers and sensual coffee scrub pictures. However one form of content is becoming the bane of my existence - inspirational quotes. It’s not because I don't see the power in a good quote, it’s just I don't know which ones really speak to me.

Am I a “Good things come to those who wait” or a “Go out and get what you want”? Is my credo “Quit your job, leave your home, travel” or “Start saving, make smart choices, invest"?


I go on Instagram to stalk hot people and look at sped up makeup tutorials, not to think. Please just consider my situation before posting inspiration typography on a watercolour background.

Even writing this has confused me more. I don't know man. I guess I don’t need to completely label it, that’s life blah blah blah. I think I want to define this part of myself so I can try and make more definitive decisions. I just need to remember no one with as much layered neurosis as me can be put in a box (or be “chill”). I guess we shall have to see what happens. The only thing I do know for sure is that I will be naming a French bulldog Donatella. That's a given.

Daniel is a 20-year-old student living in Sydney. His personal mantra is, “Oh god why did I eat that”. He is currently working on his goal of becoming famous enough on Instagram to promote weight loss tea. Please help him reach that goal by following @daniel_hayek

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