• Amber Melissa

How to tell someone that you like them without sounding like a dickhead

We seem to live in a culture that is full of people that are scared to catch the feels. Scared to tell someone you like them. Or even worse, don’t say anything at all if they don't like them (really mean).

We are scared that the other person doesn’t feel the same way. We are scared if they do. We're all just a bunch of wimps waiting four hours on end in between text messages because we don’t want to seem 'too keen'.

Perish the thought for just a moment and imagine that you actually have the balls to just say something. You might think it’s all about a simple ‘poke on Facebook’ or an Instagram DM saying “Oi, ur hot”. That’s just enough to get your crush to pay attention but is it really the right way to go about things? If you received such a lovely DM, it wouldn’t exactly make you jump for joy or give you clit tingles, would it?

Before we get into the grit of things, there are definitely ways to NOT go about it. Firstly, take it back to the old school and find the nearest sandpit and throw sand at them – this may have worked when you were just a few years passed suckling on your mother’s teat but not today mate.

Secondly, telling someone that you like them in a similar way they do it in a ‘rom com’ movie *vomit* is a very bad idea because it never really plays out the way you imagine it will and you'll probably come across like a bit of creep if you do something like this IRL:

These options scream "I'm a dickhead," so let's lay down some rules to help you get through this super cringeworthy moment in your life unscathed:

1 – Don’t be a game player. It NEVER works out in your favour. To be honest, if you want to play games, hit up some Monopoly or naked twister. Playing games will turn you into that old, dried-up weirdo at your school reunion. You know the one! Used to be a massive player but now he kind of looks like he's on meth?

2 – Be honest. It’s fucking okay to feel something. It’s not a disease. You’ll be alright pet. Embrace those feels and have the confidence in yourself to be upfront. What’s the worse that can happen? They don’t feel the same? Well, maybe it wasn’t meant to be. Go home, cry it out and in the morning you can find your next conquest.

3 – Timing, it’s all in the timing. Okay, so you’re 3 hours into your first date. You’re both so interested in each other. You can tell by the sexual chemistry and the banter. Is it the right time to tell them that you think your parents are really going to love them? NO, fuck no! We have all been there – sitting across from someone who is absolutely amazing and you want to run off and get married by an Elvis impersonator. But, it is definitely not the right time to talk about your feelings.

4 – Learn how to accept rejection. This one, is the most important of all. There is every chance that everything that you've built up in your head is completely one sided, so have a line ready for if they respond with something like, "Yeah, listen.... I think you're great but..." *Pulls jumper over head and never emerges for the rest of the week*

Do you like everyone that you meet? Of course you don’t. So have the decency to accept the idea that they might not feel the same way about you as you do about them.

So there you have it. The four golden rules of telling someone you like them. It’s not fucking rocket science people. Now go! Go and tell your crush how you bloody feel or if you really are too chicken shit to do so, just send them this article, we've really done all the hard work for you.

Image: Alex Jack

Amber is the kind of girl who looks like she has her shit together but really doesn't. She's known for her potty mouth, being inappropriately funny and for her love of doughnuts. Although she's new to the writing game, she is going to say what 'drunk you' was already thinking.

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