By Alessandra Melville
I know this letter comes at a particularly difficult time for you with the whole body positivity movement forcing you to alter everything that made you, you. I know that I didn’t really give you the proper send-off you deserve and hopefully they managed to recycle some parts of you. I want you to know how much I appreciate what you did for me despite chucking you in the tip carelessly at the age of 14, I really did love you.
Despite what all your haters (they’re just jealous of your pretty hair) you didn’t make my squishy little baby brain believe I had to have massive perky boobs and ass length blonde hair to be beautiful. I was completely aware that you were a doll and therefore of course you didn’t look like a real life human. I admired your ability to switch professions with ease, from cowgirl in the morning to a doctor that very same night. You were the first true multitasker.
I am deeply sorry about that one time I hacked off your hair then threw you at the wall, I know we made up afterwards but I still regret my actions. Now, I know the tantrum of 1998 wasn’t the first time you endured my wrath. There was that time I started to play favourites with all of you, Cool Blue Barbie always seemed to come out on top and then there was all those times I took you swimming with me in the bath even though your packaging clearly stated that you were in fact not waterproof. We had some good times together though didn’t we Barbie? You let me investigate your private bits which seriously confused me for a few years, and I don’t know if you know this Barbie but, dolls in 2016 actually have real looking genitals! Crazy, right?
I suppose our relationship was pretty normal, I was possessive over you and didn’t like sharing you with other girls. You seemed okay with being passed from one girl to another which hurt me deeply but somehow you always ended up back in my dollhouse. After a few tense moments I couldn’t resist your beaming smile and went back to brushing your hair and making your horse fly. What I am really trying to say though Barbie is, thank you for being a friend, a secret keeper and my very first girl crush.