• Kate Neilson

Life's 10-second pleasures

Now I know what you're all thinking, 10-second of pleasure, she must be going to talk about orgasms, cumming, The Big O, finishing off, releasing a load, jizzing-out*. No, I'm not going to talk about that, so if that's what you've come here for then I'm afraid you're going to have to look elsewhere for your sexual discourse (Google Scholar) or your sexual material (redtube) because this one is going to be semi-PG. Kind of.

While orgasms are very lovely indeed, I think a few of these simple life pleasures may give them a run for their money or at least sit on even playing fields.You know, those little moments that happen throughout the day that put a little smile on your face but are then instantly forgotten. Let’s take a moment to appreciate those little joys.

1. That feeling when the person that you were sitting next to gets off the bus and you can shift over into the window seat and spread your little legs out a little bit. Such a dream.

2. Picking out a really good boogie. As 'Crazy Eyes' pointed out in S4 of OITNB, it's even better if it's a crusty one. That's satisfaction at its purest form. Don't lie to yourself. We ALL do it and I will not believe you if you try and tell me otherwise.

3. When you finish doing a vomit and the burning feeling in your throat finally goes away and you realise that you could go a meat pie now.

4. When your Nan gives you fifty-bucks.

5. When you peel off your shellac nails to reveal your fucked up nail bed but the peel was so, so worth it.

6. When you've held in a poo all day and you finally get to let it free. Mmmm.

7. When you accidentally set your alarm for the weekend and wake up thinking you've got to go to work then realise that you don't and you can go back to sleep. Bliss.

8. When you nail poached eggs and stab into them and they run all over your toast like a lava spill.

9. When you haven't been sexually touched in a few weeks and you brush up against someone hot on the train.

10. When Celine Dion absolutely looses her shit at the end of All By Myself with those powerful vocals.

11. Getting into bed when your sheets are clean, you've just had a shower and finally washed your jamies. Triple threat.

12. Finding money in your wallet that you didn't know you had and spending it on something you don't need.

13. Spending about 2 hours over heating in your doona at night and then finally working up the energy to take your damn pants off.

14. When you're lying or sitting next to someone that you like and your arms are slightly touching each other and it makes your heart do a disco dance in your chest.

15. When you get to the end of a Drumstick ice-cream and remember about that tiny part of the cone that's filled with chocolate.

16. When you pry out a little bit of food that's been stuck in your teeth for a few days.

17. When some dickhead keeps interrupting your sneezes and then you finally get one over the hill with a nice, big, achoo (and maybe a little bit of sneeze gets onto that dickhead).

18. Waking up from an afternoon nap (2 hours later) and feeling really guilty but then realising that no on knows that you've been asleep for that long and then tacking an extra 40 minutes onto your nap.

19. When you automatically connect to the WI-FI in your friends house because you are SUCH GOOD FRIENDS.

20. When someone does a fart that sounds like a musical instrument (trumpet, drum roll, gong).

21. When someone walks into the room and says "Happy Fri-yay everyone!" and no one says anything because Fri-yay is stupid. It's always good to know that you're not alone in being a horrible bitch.

You've probably got a soul boner now. Sorry about that. Just let it happen and enjoy.

* I made up the phrase 'jizzing-out' but I think it's kind of nifty and we should all start using this term.

Kate Neilson is a list maker and a booty shaker. She is the creator of Twenty Something Humans and is still figuring out what she wants to be when she grows up. You can lurk her @katiepotatierose.

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