Thou Shalt Not Date a Musician (although you probably still will)
When people ask me "What’s your type of guy?" I usually respond with something along the lines of “I don’t have a type. Every guy I’ve dated has been different”. But when I think about it, while my exes are all unique, they share one common thread: they’re musicians.
I don’t know what it is about guys with guitars, but they seem to send universal shivers down our spines. Now, I wouldn’t go as far as calling myself a fangirl. I don’t intend on falling for the musos, it just happens! So, I decided to figure out what it is that makes our hearts flutter to the beat of their drum and why it inevitably ends in doom. Or is that just me?
They prioritise music over girlfriends
Musically talented guys are full of emotion. They feel things at a higher level than most people. They will experience a moment and imagine what song could play along to it, or they’ll listen to the distant trumpet at the beginning of a track and connect it with that holiday you took together last month.
This ability to pay attention to detail and find a creative outlet for your emotions is something that works very well in a relationship. Musos will make you feel special. You’ll be the apple of his eye as he is yours, and for a brief moment in time, you’ll both be so happy it feels like a fairy tale. And that’s because it is.
When you’re dating a musician, they can easily pull you into their world and put your relationship under the spotlight. You’ll both play a good show, the crowd will cheer, and you may even be invited for an encore. The reality is, though, that the lights will go off, the audience will tottle off home, and before you know it, you’ll have a broom in hand as you sweep the shit from the stage: the leftover remnants of your relationship and someone else’s gum.
Jamming with the band comes first
Musically-inclined men are oozing with ambition. From my past experiences, musicians will often disappear for 48 hours at a time, telling you that they’re jamming, writing a new song, recording their latest EP or simply “hanging with the boys”.
This is fine by me. You do not want to be the Yoko Ono of the group that's always hanging around and trying to weasel your way in. This is your time to shine. I need my own space. When you’re apart, you miss one another, and when you reunite, you have cool stories to tell!
There’s nothing worse than internally rolling your eyes because your boyfriend has told you, for the third time, about the funny looking guy he saw at the bus stop that day. Time apart is good. It makes the time together even more special.
Musicians are usually hot
Even guys like Moby and Paul Kelly, who aren’t inherently ‘good-looking’, become 10 times more attractive when you hear them sing. For god’s sake, just look at Mumford & Sons: they’re just a bunch of hairy dudes, but they have a huge fanbase of girls just waiting to have a go.
You can’t tell me that you’d find a lot of musicians half as attractive if they worked at your local Bunnings – most of them wouldn’t even get a double take. It’s harsh, but true. The downside to this, ladies and gents, is that everyone will want to try and have sex with your boyfriend. You have to be on full alert at most social gatherings.
If you stay within your usual social circle, you’ll usually be okay. You trust these girls, right? But the second you enter a ‘second-circle’ event, it’s war. Your man becomes an injured gazelle with some women (and a few men) transforming into fierce lions. Defend every flirty glance with a glare, entwine your arm with his, and have him mind your bag. This is a classic female territory marking. It’s a tough world out there, and we gotta do what we gotta do to survive. Don’t get me wrong. I’m a true believer in the fact that there is someone out there for everyone... even musicians. I just don’t know that they are right for me. You become like their favourite album. You’re the best thing they’ve ever heard. They play you over and over again. They can’t stop talking about you to their friends. You are a creative inspiration, something to come home to. Then eventually, they get sick of hearing the same songs on repeat and they find another album to listen to.
Image: Alex Jack
Kate Neilson is a twenty something list maker and tea drinking enthusiast. She hold no hard feelings towards the musicans of her past, except for you Randy. She's also the creator of Twenty Something Humans.